we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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