I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
