So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
