I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
