A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
