I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
