I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
