oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
