READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
