i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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