I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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