either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
