This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
