I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
