haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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