Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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