my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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