my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
