I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
