There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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