i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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