there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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