I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
