An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
