Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
