In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
