I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
