I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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