I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
