she was so not down for the gang bang
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
