How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Send help, water and tortillas.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
