You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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