I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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