You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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