You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
