Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
did you just send me my own nude
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
