I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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