you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
