are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
