There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
