She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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