Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
