Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
