i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That's how pantless uber rides happen
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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