is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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