David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
