the new term for farting is butt boxing.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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