She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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