if you like me you must not know who I am
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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