Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
