Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
